One surreal day
by Vermilion Angel
Summary: Some very silly sillyness.


**br Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Starsky, Hutch or related indicia, this is not for profit.**

**Health warning: This is very, very silly. Written while trying not to do an essay. Not beta's either, so any polite suggestions considered. pleaseR&R :D **

**At the Circus**

"Oh come on Hutch! It'll be fun… here; it says they have a juggler, and a sword sallower… hey! I hear they've even got animals; Y'know… lions and tigers and bears…"

"Oh my" Hutch interrupted sardonically "Listen Starsk, it sounds great, but don't you think you're just a little old for the circus?"

Starsky glared at his passenger "You're never to old for the circus!"

"Hey! Keep your eyes on the road!"

Starsky swerved just in time to miss a red mini that pulled out of a driveway, he cursed at the driver

"This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, they're only coming to Bay City once!"

"Good" The blond mumbled, unheard, or ignored, by his partner

"Huuuuutch" Starsky whined "please…"

Hutch sighed and gave a hearty roll of his eyes "Why don't you take Andrea? I'm sure she'd be glad to go" Silence answered him, he glanced to his side "What, are you sulking now?"

"I am not sulking" came the sulky reply; there was a pause "I'm sure Andrea would love to go. At least _she_ appreciates my company"

"Starsk…" Hutch began, but the radio bleeping cut him off, he grabbed the mike

"This is Zebra-Three, we are receiving you, over"

"Zebra-Three, proceed to 234 Hudson, report of a dead body"

"Rodger that control, Zebra Three out" He replaced the mike "Hudson is the other way…"

Starsky spun the wheel; causing the car to do a 180° spin across the mercifully empty street and sped the other way

"Whoa!" Hutch exclaimed, "What was that for? The DB isn't going anywhere"

Starsky shrugged "Dunno, just felt like it"

"Do you ever notice how we only seem to get calls in the other direction?"

"What?"

"You know… we're going down one street and we get a callout that's a few blocks away but in the other direction and we have to spin round" he made a whirling motion in the air as if to illustrate "Like yesterday when we were going down Marshall and we got a callout to got to Crescent…"

Starsky frowned "It's not like we do it every time"

"Well it sure feels like it" Hutch replied, settling back into his seat. He thought for a while "Yeah, you're right… it must just be the times that it happens that stick in my memory…"

Starsky glanced at his partner "You're really weird sometimes, you know that?"

"So I've been told"

* * *

Starsky pulled in outside 234, pulling up behind a red mini, and stepped out of the car. Hutch followed him, there was a coroners wagon waiting for them. The coroner was casually leaning against the outside of the building,

"Go right in lads, my assistant's up there taking photos"

"What are you doing out here?" Hutch asked

"Waiting for you… looks like a pretty open and shut case. Vic was changing a light bulb, forgot to switch the power off first. Electrocuted"

Starsky winced "Alright, thanks Ted"

The coroner gave Starsky an odd look and followed the two detectives into the building.

"Hey Starsky" the coroner's assistant said cheerily, winding the camera film on and taking another shot of the body sprawled across the floor "What's with the hat?"

"I'm not wearing a hat…" Starsky began

"The vic died around 8am. Burn marks on his hands consistent with electrocution… no other, obvious signs of physical trauma other then bruising where he fell off the chair. By the looks of it, guy was dead before he hit the floor" The coroner explained "Of course, I'll be able to tell for sure after the autopsy."

"You know the vic's name?"

"George Henry Stanton. Shop owner, the shop assistant found him, she's in the back"

"We'll go talk to her." Hutch said as the assistant placed the body into a bag. The detectives stepped through into the back room. There was a teenage girl sitting on one of the chairs. She gave them a watery smile

"Hello… you must be the policemen I was told to wait for"

"My name's detective Hutchinson, this is detective Starsky… you're the one who found the body?" Hutch asked

The girl nodded slowly, she looked from Hutch to Starsky "That's a nice hat" she said to Starsky

"I'm not wearing a…"

"What's your name sweetheart?" Hutch asked gently

"Gabby Evans"

"Ok Gale, can you tell us what happened?"

"Well…" she sniffed "I came in for work as usual…"

"What time was that?"

"8.45, we open at nine"

Hutch noted that down "Go on"

"I always come in the back… and I went through and… he was just lying there… when I saw he was dead, I called the police right away"

"Ok Gerry, thank you" Hutch said, putting the notebook back in his jeans pocket

"Is that all?" Gillian asked

"Yep" Starsky said, "Do you live close by?"

"Only a block" Geraldine said, springing off the chair "Bye" she disappeared out the back door

The detectives watched her leave

"Funny girl"

"Really" Starsky agreed "Ok, let's write our report and be done with it"

"Poor George Henry" Hutch said as they watched the coroner load the body into the truck. Starsky walked round the shiny Torino and opened the door

"Yeah, poor guy probably didn't know what hit him" he agreed as he slid behind the wheel. Hutch got in his side of the car and they began the drive to HQ.

* * *

Hutch was counting the trashcans on his side of the street until they came to a set of lights. Starsky stopped at the red.

"Did you ever think about it?"

"Think about what?"

"The way you're gonna… y'know, die?"

Hutch looked at his partner and then back out the window "No, can't say I give it much thought"

"Well, I was reading this book the other day and…"

"Starsk, is this another of those books you bought at the comic book store for 99 cents?"

Starsky watched the lights go orange silently, fully aware of the scrutiny of two light blue eyes "Um… no"

"Uh-huh. And what did this book tell you?"

"Well, apparently 234 people were killed by toilet seats last year…"

Hutch frowned "How did they manage that?"

"I guess when you're spewing and it falls on your head or something…"

"Now there's a lovely thought" Hutch commented, mentally counting trash cans backwards in Spanish while he did so.

"And apparently bean-bag chairs are more dangerous then cleavers…."

Hutch switched his attention back to the driver "You know 23.4 of all statistics are made up on the spot" he commented casually. Starsky gave him that childlike 'what, really?' look

Hutch gave him a wry smile and Starsky rolled his eyes

"Ha ha" Starsky replied, shifting gears and stopping at another set of lights "Do you really think 234 people were killed toilet seats?"

Hutch shrugged "As Albert Einstein once said 'there are two things which are infinite in this life, the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe.'" He said in his best Albert Einstein impression "I wouldn't worry about it though… you're skull's too thick for the seat to do any damage" He added lightly. Starsky playfully punched him in the arm and pulled across the road in front of a red mini that beeped angrily.

"Hey!" he said, "Still, it'd be a bad way to go though, imagine the coroner's report"

"Death by stupidity." Hutch supplied.

Starsky pulled into the underground police car park and killed the engine. They walked through the door and walked to their office.

* * *

Apart from a pair of detectives in the corner giggling like schoolgirls, nothing was amiss in their shared office. They took up their seats on opposite sides of the desk and set about typing

"What colour was the other car?" Starsky randomly asked

Hutch frowned, it took him several seconds to process Starsky's thought pattern. Other car. Car crash on Clermont. Old lady in a dark mini. "Red" he answered eventually

Starsky considered this "Are you sure?"

Before Hutch could answer, there was a bellow from their captain's office

"Hutchinson, Starsky, in here now!"

Both detectives' shoulders slumped "How does he know we're here?" Starsky whispered as Hutch rounded the table

"I think it's a nervous disorder… he just shouts our names a couple times an hour"

Starsky suppressed a snicker and followed his partner into Dobey's office. The large man regarded them

"Sit down, and Starsky" he pointed a pen at the dark detective "take off that damn hat in my office"

"But I'm not wearing a…"

"What did you want cap?" Hutch asked

"There's been a murder" Dobey replied "At Bozo's Circus. The body's with the coroner as we speak"

"What happened?"

"One of the performers was killed during practice. As usual, no one saw a thing. I want you two to investigate"

"That's out job" Hutch commented, rising from his seat

"Not so fast Hutchinson" Dobey stopped him with a raised hand "the show opens in three days, I want this cleared up before then."

"Sure thing" Starsky replied confidently, hopping out of his seat and opening the door for his partner. Hutch walked through and Starsky followed him, slamming the door as he did so. The bellow of 'Starsky!' echoed down the hall after them.

* * *

The autopsy room smelled of blood and antiseptic. The coroner was gazing at some x-rays as the two detectives entered.

"What's up, doc?" Starsky greeted the MD

The doctor turned and quizzically regarded them "You know, you're not supposed to wear a hat in here"

"I'm not wearing…"

"We hear you've got a body from Bozo's Circus for us?" Hutch asked

The doctor nodded "Over here, a funny one."

"How so?"

The doctor pulled out a drawer, on it, lay a clown. "Asphyxiated by a custard pie to the face… I'm afraid our vic suffered a slow, creamy death."

"Could it have been an accident?" Starsky asked

"Oh no, the uh, pie, would have to have been held in place for several seconds. Yes, someone was defiantly trying to kill our baggy-trousered friend" The coroner pushed the draw back in "I should have the full report on your desk by tomorrow."

"Ok, thanks Ted" Starsky replied. The coroner gave him a funny look as the detectives walked out.

* * *

The great red and white striped main tent of Bozo's Circus loomed large in the field where they were set up. Carnival rides; sideshows and other attractions were setting up around them. They walked through all the main part of the field to the back where the performers and staff were milling around.

"Hey Hutch… how do you kill a circus?" Starsky said, bouncing along excitedly

Hutch rolled his eyes; it was like being trailed by an over-eager child. "I don't know" he sighed

"Go for the Juggler!"

The blond quickened his pace slightly. There was a short, skinny man standing in the middle of a group of caravans shouting at various people. The partners took this to be the man in charge and approached him, badges ready.

"Who are you? We aren't hiring" The man shouted

"We're detectives Hutchinson and Starsky" Hutch introduced themselves

The man sighed, "Oh, you're here about Bobo…. Tragic, tragic… he will be sorely missed. Boris has hardly been able to pick up a metal bar let alone bend it with his teeth."

"Boris?" Starsky asked

"Yes. My strongman." The man said, "Oh, my goodness, I'm sorry. My name is Preston. Preston Preston"

"Preston what?" Starsky asked

"Preston" The man said

"Oh I see, sorry Mr Preston…"

"That's right"

"What's your first name?"

"Preston" the man repeated with irritation

"First name Preston… second name Preston?"

"Yes, Preston P Preston. I own this circus."

"What does the P stand for?" Hutch asked

"Preston."

"I see" Hutch replied, "So, can you tell us what happened?"

"Well, Bobo and Gonzo were practising their skit yesterday afternoon. Bobo throws the fake water over Gonzo, Gonzo hits him with a plank, you know the sort of thing. Anyway, Gonzo left to have lunch with Pogo… and when they got back… it was terrible"

"Thank you Mr Preston. Do you know where we can find Pogo and Gonzo?"

"They should be in the main tent practising" Preston told them

"Where will you be?"

"I'll be around all day. Usually here or in my trailer. It's the blue one over there," He pointed at a green trailer

"Thank you"

Preston walked away and the detectives moved back to the main tent

"Bobo… Pogo… Gonzo? Who are these clowns?" Starsky exclaimed with exasperation

"I think we're about to find out"

* * *

Two clowns in garish outfits were throwing confetti over each other. Starsky and Hutch sauntered over to them, bearing their badges.

"Um, excuse me?" Hutch began

"Why, what have you done?" one of the clowns asked

"We're here about Bobo…"

One of the clowns made a strangled yelping noise and began to cry, the other patted him on the back

"There there, you'll ruin your make-up"

The other immediately pulled himself together; "I apologise" he sniffed

"Now, about Bobo…"

"Oh yes" the second clown said, "It was so awful. I can't imagine who'd want to hurt the poor devil"

"Well uh, did he have any quarrels with anyone?" Starsky asked

"Hey, that's a strange hat mister" The first clown observed

"I'm not wearing a hat!" Starsky protested

"Did he ever argue with anyone?" Hutch pressed

"Hmm… maybe only Boris" the first clown replied thoughtfully.

"And where is Boris now?"

"He'll be in his trailer exorcising."

"Don't you mean exercising?" Hutch asked

"He believed he is haunted my Mari Antoinette." The second clown said in a low whisper.

The detectives shared a bemused glance and headed for the trailers out the back

"There's something funny going on with those two" Starsky said conspiratorially

"Well, let's see what Boris has to say for himself."

* * *

Boris the Strongman was well over six feet tall, broad shoulders with a handlebar moustache and customary spandex uniform of the trade. He looked distinctly morose when they found him. He shook their hands

"Добрый День (1)" he greeted them

"Uh… I'm sorry?" Starsky said

"Извините, Я не ґоворю по-русски (2)" Hutch replied

Boris gave him a funny look "Of course, I'm sorry"

Starsky just stared at his partner.

"We're here to ask you about Bobo" Hutch continued

"Bobo?" Boris took a deep breath "Poor Bobo"

"Gonzo and Pogo said you had an argument with him recently, is this true?"

Boris shook his head solemnly "Bozo was a friend of mine, we argued, yes, but I would never hurt him"

"Do you have any idea who might?"

Boris shook his head again and glumly slumped into his furry sofa.

The detectives left the strongman and went out outside.

* * *

"Well, we've hit a brick wall" Starsky exasperatedly exclaimed.

Hutch tapped the structure, "No, it's cardboard." He observed as two men in overalls carried the scenery away. Absently Starsky glanced at his watch

"Uh oh,"

"What?" Hutch said, looking at his own watch, his jaw dropped "We haven't got much time"

"And we still have to do the…" Gunfire clanged off the caravan behind then as they dove for cover

"Shootout!" Both exclaimed in unison. Hutch broke cover to let off a few rounds in the general direction of fire, ducking down again as another bullet buzzed past. Then it was Starsky's turn.

"Cover me!" He yelled and made a dash over the open ground, Hutch did as he was told and Starsky made it safely to the other side. He then covered Hutch as he ran over to join him. A figure bounced up from behind some handy crates and ran across the open field with both detectives in pursuit. He ran into a warehouse that happened to be behind the circus, and Starsky and Hutch followed him carefully.

"Where do you suppose he went?" Starsky whispered

"Let's split up" Hutch advised, "I'll go left, you go right"

They made their way silently round the warehouse in opposite directions, carefully building tension.

They met in the middle and frowned. Then there was a noise, their quarry was right in front of them! Starsky gasped as the creature of the black lagoon advanced, making terrible growling noises. Fortunately, Hutch spotted a handy _deus ex machina_ disgusted as a lever. He tugged it and a net descended from the ceiling, trapping the creature and pinning him down.

"Now lets see who this monster really is!" Starsky exclaimed, standing on the monster's chest and removing the mask

"Why, it's old man Jenkins, the janitor!" Hutch observed with surprise

"And I would have got away with it too, if it hadn't been for you pesky cops!" the old man snarled.

* * *

Hutch loaded their quarry into the back of the Torino and waived goodbye to the group of circus folk. He and Starsky got in the glistening Torino and drove back to base.

"I think I've had enough of circuses for a while" Starsky said

"Here here" Hutch replied "Let's get this turkey back to base, and get out of here"

"Yeah, I'm starving"

"Nothing unusual there then… but Starsk… don't you feel like we, y'know, missed something?"

Starsky cursed as a red mini cut him up "Lousy punk" he grumbled, then he shrugged "Nope"

"Ok… It's just I don't remember anyone mentioning the creature from the black lagoon… and what was a net doing in a warehouse… and… why did the janitor…"

"Hutch!" Starsky said "Just leave it, we got out man, that's all that counts"

"Yeah, you're right…" Hutch frowned "Oh, and Starsky?"

"Yeah?"

"For god's sake, take off that ridiculous hat!"

**Fin.**

(1) Good afternoon

(2) I'm sorry, I don't speak Russian.


End file.
